Obamanation news

Obamanation news... premier issue!
By: Ken LaRive

Obama tells the gay community to “suck it up!” while in the same day he was overheard in the parking lot to say, “We can now kill two birds with one stone,” and “closing the door on openness. What is in a promise anyway? I wasn’t yet briefed!” Gays took offence thinking he was referring to them, and said they would “Slap him silly, if they could.”

Riot Police in Iran use tear gas to make protesters more sensitive. An American Journalist hiding in the bushes thought he heard something like “Allah Akbar, give us back FACEBOOK!” being chanted in the street. A concerned empathizer citizen in New York was quoted to say “I don’t speak dat language, but tears bring out the best in people.”

North Korea tells the US that they have all of their I's dotted and t's crossed too! So there!

Al Qaeda is quoted to say they would use nukes if they had them, and it wouldn’t be pretty.

“Obama’s approval rating drops to the highest level ever...” Says the Galloping goourmet.

Goldman Sacks make biggest profit ever, and has no apology. “Barclays Capital, Credit Suisse and Deutsche Bank are among the European firms expected to register bumper profits, along with US banks JP Morgan and Morgan Stanley following the near collapse and government rescue of ajor trading houses including Citigroup, Merrill Lynch, UBS and Royal Bank of Scotland.” Said Drudge, “A repay of the stimulus money might be feasible if a record had actually been kept.” A top unanimous official allegedly stated.

Arizona has the longest stretch of low temperatures since 1913, while Global warming comes to Louisiana dressed like an Indian in summer to confuse us more. Al Gore had no comment.

Suicide bombers give US troops a grand sendoff, and Iraq clams victory... “38 aren’t a lot.” A soldier was overheard saying. “Man, we go'in a home!”

It is now insinuated that Silvio Berlusconi thought to pay for his hooker parties with the 40 billion he was to take from the 134 billion in confiscated US bonds. “Too bad they were fake!” He said with a wink during an impromptu press conference as he exited his flat. A reporter standing in the back noticed the Berlusconi had his fingers crossed during the questioning. “I have noticed that it is always best to answer a question with a question.” He said, “That way you can never be miss-quoted.”